Wow! So much has happened in the past week & 1/2...I feel like I haven't had time to breathe! Everyone's asking me how it feels to be a college grad, and truth is, it feels about the same. Well, for now. I know when I get that first health insurance bill, or car insurance bill... I'll definitely feel it! But for now, I've just moved back in with the parents, so I just feel like I'm home on another vacation from Clemson. Reality will set in eventually, and I kinda wish it would. Not that I want to pay bills, but I just feel kinda stuck in my life right now. I would love to move out and live on my own, but that requires a job.... something I'm tirelessly searching for. I was reminded by a sweet sister the other night at worship practice that it may be easy to blame the economy for no job, but that really God's waiting to place me where He needs me. I'm just doing all I can to find this place. I'm trying to let that bring me peace, but in a world that's go go go, it's hard to slow down and trust.... but I'll get there.
As for the title of the blog, this has sort of become my motto recently! Never say never. No matter how cliche, I'm finding the truth in it! I always said I'd never move back in with my parents after graduation. I said I was going to move to NYC, and get a job there and live for a few years. But here I am, sitting at the kitchen table in my parents house, 12:30 on a cloudy Tuesday, and jobless. I'm very thankful to have such a supportive family (and amazing house in Charleston!) to come home to, but like any 22 year old, it's not the optimal choice! Don't get me wrong, I get along with my family great, and love them immensely, and have enjoyed seeing them so much, but I just feel like I got my wings clipped a bit. How can I do great things, or start my own company, or move to NYC, when I can't even afford to move out of my parents house? Granted, I've only been here a little over a week, but already I feel stuck. So currently, I think God is teaching me patience, and trying to wrench some trust out of me! Trust that He'll move me when He wants to- Trust enough to void my plans and reach for His. And I do believe that somewhere His plans do mesh with mine, or else I wouldn't have these desires. (He tells us so through Psalm 37:4 - "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.") So prayers for God to reveal these plans would be greatly appreciated :) Long story short, never say you'll never move back in with your parents...because you just might.
Also, Never say never about friendships and relationships. I've learned recently that it is possible to forgive but not forget. I thought I could never, ever forgive this person, but crossed paths with them recently, and realized I had forgiven them. I realized I let all the mess go a long time ago. I'll never forget the mess they made, but don't hold it against them any more. Oh, to be free of that burden is a wonderful feeling. So, never say you'll never speak to someone again....because you just might.
Also, my parents put our house on the market. I love this house, and thought we'd have it forever. This kinda relates to my last post about materialism. Truth is, my parents don't need this monstrous house for just them and my little sister (I'm already counting me out of the scenario...in hopes of SOON having an apartment). It just doesn't make sense anymore. Sure, it's great for parties, and it's so beautiful, and welcoming, and home... but at the end of the day, it's just a house. My family will stay the same after it's gone. If living a simpler, happier life means getting rid of the status symbol that this beautiful house has become, then I say good riddance. I LOVE this house - the porch, the creaky steps, my yellow bedroom, the great yard - but the best part about it is the memories made on this porch, in my yellow bedroom, and in this great yard, and those parts of this house - the intangibles - will move with us. They won't be left behind with the house, and I think that makes it so much easier to leave behind. Like I said, I thought we'd never move from this house, but God has begun to loosen my family's grip on this piece of materialistic paradise, and it's a good step of faith. Good things will come! Again, never say you'll never leave somewhere...because you just might.
I'm sure there's a million other "nevers" I've said - but these are the most prominent in my life these days, and I thought I should share :). So prayers for trust in finding a job, wisdom with old friendships, and peace about moving are greatly accepted!
Grace and Peace.
On Being Disagreeable
8 months ago